I'm Probably (Mush)faking It
It's ironic to me that Gee starts off by comparing learning Discourses to learning a language because for me, changing my language was the biggest Discourse for me. I guess I shouldn't so much say a language because it wasn't that extreme, but it was an accent and slang I grew up learning.
Growing up in Hawaiian culture wasn't fun and games, but more of a commitment. We had to learn Hawaiian history, music, language, and more importantly how to speak "proper pidgin." Being accustomed to this lifestyle made it hard in my adult years having conversations with people, let alone struggling in English classes.
Over several years of living with my mom, who was a regular English speaker, I finally learned how to hide my accent and be able to work on my English. Now I'm able to talk without my accent completely and expand my Discourses in different situations such as school, job interviews and friends. Not to say that having an accent is a disadvantage because it's not. My "pidgin" interfered with my school work and daily life because it's not grammatically correct here, in California, but in Hawaii it's completely acceptable.
Whereas Professor Flewelling believed that her students would be able to tell she was faking her confidence with teaching, I felt like people could tell I was faking my proper English and Vocabulary. When I'm around other people, especially in a professional manner, I feel like they can see right through me. I feel like they can sense I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to certain terms or using vocabulary that I would never use outside of that situation.
Serving for the last three years has been the social practice that Gee says we all need to learn Discourses. Each table is a different practice for me because I get to feel out the situation to figure out what kind of tone or Discourse I have to use.
I felt like I had a disadvantage because I had to play catch-up with proper English, but by expanding my vocabulary and practicing this particular Discourse, I am able to "mushfake" as Gee puts it. I make do with what I have when the situation presents itself and am still able to talk to my family in the comfortable slang and accent I was raised with.
Hi, I really enjoyed reading your blog because I can relate to an extent with catching up with proper English accent. A lot of times my friends would make fun of me for saying/reading a word in a Spanish accent that I had never read, I just would read it the way it would be read in Spanish. I still struggle with some vocabulary that I dont use on a everyday basis with friends/family. You are right faking until you make it does really help. It also helped me a lot just reading more articles/talking to other about the new vocabulary. While I did have to put a little more effort than other people who already spoke English, I am fortunate to be able to speak two langues even with an accent sometimes. It expands my opportunity to communicate to two different ethnicity. What do you think are other advantages of having an accent are? Does your family ever feel like you developed an American accent?
ReplyDelete-Maria Hernandez
Hi Meaghan,
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to feeling like you had to catch-up learning English after being raised to properly learn a language, as I too had to do that with my native language and my accent. I spent three years trying to hide my accent and to this day, every now and then it comes out and the people who do hear the accent stare at me as if I was from another planet. You are right, we do just have to mushfake and make do with what we know, but at the same time I think it's great that even when you're expanding your English grammar and vocabulary, you haven't forgotten the language and culture you grew up to know!
Hey Meaghan!
ReplyDeleteThanks for putting out another quality post! Reading through your blog made me smile a good bit since reminds me of my childhood. I was raised in a Spanish speaking home and attended an English only school; it was a hell of a good time. Surprisingly, it seems that the older you get, the more people embrace the fact that you have an accent. It appears that you have also come to terms with the "'proper'-English as a second language" lifestyle and begun to enjoy the blessing of speaking both "languages" honestly. I've always thought it of it as awesome when I see people's uniqueness and accents come through; there's nothing wrong with speaking a little different. I imagine that the thesaurus and dictionary have been as good of friends to you, as they have been to me.
Awesome post once again!
I enjoyed reading this, Meaghan. Like Arsenio, I think a lot of people appreciate an accent. It signifies that there is more of you than just what we hear, there is complexity, there is a beauty that we will learn over time.
DeleteAt the same time, I think I understand a little bit of what you felt. The culture in Hawaii really is different than here, and any time I enter a new culture, a new Discourse, I feel like I don't quite fit. You made me think about a lot of things in my own life. Thank you.